is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
