He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
