Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
