you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I think I just shit out all my problems.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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