Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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