he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize