You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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