were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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