The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
