We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
