Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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