just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
