First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
