Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
