idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Operation Purity has been aborted
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
