Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
