I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize