Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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