I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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