last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
