I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
