Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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