Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
