So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
