I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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