I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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