i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
