I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
someone owes me an orgasm
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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