yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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