so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
