How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize