Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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