So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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