It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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