i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
