2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
