ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
