She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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