Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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