no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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