I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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