my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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