it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
