after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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