Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize