Someone shit on the floor
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
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