Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
