Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
