Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
