she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
