Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
