Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
