On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
