I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
