I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize