and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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