Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
