So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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