You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
