sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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