Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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