It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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