How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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