Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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