i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
