don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
