just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize