This girl is more easily done than said...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize