Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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