ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You can't motorboat a personality
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
