She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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