"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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