Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
