we have pet lesbian snakes
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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