2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize