she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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