Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
