I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize