So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
