We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
