normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
