so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
