really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
