return my video game
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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