I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
