if only i could text you this smell
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
